phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bring me that man meat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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