She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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