hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
