how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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