textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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