I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
