They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
