He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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