she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
