i was born a porn star she said
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it