I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.