i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
BRING THE BAGELS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.