i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?