I murdered the dance floor call the cops
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.