Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
