I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
