Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
