I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
