And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize