If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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