If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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