Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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