honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
