ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
