i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
