i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have post one night stand depression
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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