yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fuck appropriateness.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
