Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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