I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
