A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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