VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
