That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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