You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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