real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
