I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
