yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
