So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
