So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
