so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
