he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
