Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
