Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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