Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
