I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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