guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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