Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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