matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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