Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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