I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The Olympian is in my bed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
