haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
