a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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