So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
