If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
