someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
