you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
