oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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