I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize