He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I said "one day" and that day is not today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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