I'm so fucking centered right now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
