Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
