I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
