Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
