I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize