just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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