Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
