just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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