Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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