kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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