I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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